December 31, 2015

My 2016 Predictions

  • In the Blu-Ray release of The Martian, an alternate ending shows Sean Bean dying as the Hermes lands right on top of his house.

  • Someone on the internet will do a mashup of the new X-Files series and Californication. Spoiler: His name is Cox Mulder.

  • Metallica will play the Super Bowl halftime show. Instead of playing their hits, they will proceed to do the entire Revenge of the Nerds talent show complete with Booger Presley on guitar.

  • Bill Cosby, while serving time in jail, will get his pudding popped. I don't know what that means. Diddly doo sh-lappah shling shlong.

  • Jessican Chastain and Bryce Dallas Howard will appear in a film together and confuse the shit out of everyone.

  • David Hoff will relent after being hassled by many fans.

  • Hollywood begin filming the sequel to Rhinestone with Sylvester Stalone set to sop up more gravy with more biscuits.

  • Star Wars mania will reach its peak when a hologram of Alec Guinness performs at Coachella.

  • Game of Thrones will continue killing Jon Snow every episode a la Kenny McCormick. Samwell Tarly will scream "You killed Jon Snow - you bastards!" at the end of every episode.

  • When The Walking Dead returns from the midseason break, Carl will be older than Rick.